Distance Means Nothing
by Ellkat
Summary: How strong is the Caskett bond? End of Season 2. Castle is in the Hamptons and Beckett gets shot. Angst, Caskett.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure about this one. I've had it floating around for a while. The actual idea for this story is in the next chapter but have to do some editing on that first. Let me know what you think.**

**Thanks so much to my beta for putting up with my complaining and reading everything I write. Appreciate it, babe. :)**

She should have known.

She should have known it was a trap.

If she were a better cop , she would have known.

She would have caught on to the liar's tells that the suspect had been exhibiting.

Well maybe not a better cop but at least a fully functioning cop. With all her faculties focussed on the case at hand. A cop who wasn't heartbroken. A cop who wasn't left breathless and unable to think straight whenever anything that reminded her of _him_ caught her off-guard. A cop who wasn't constantly distracted by the small things he would have noticed and made a silly comment about just to hear her laugh. Sometimes she could almost hear him making his smart aleck puns and double entendres and see him floating before her, his smug grin firmly in place.

A flash of anger blew through her as she caught herself thinking of him again. She was getting better but occasionally her thoughts still managed stray to the taboo subject of him.

This was his fault, she thought angrily.

I wish I never met him. I wish I had never come across his damn books.

If it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be lying here, listening to Esposito's increasingly desperate pleas for her to stay with him, to hold on, that help was coming.

If it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be lying here, hearing Ryan's frantic call for an ambulance, his panic evident when his voice cracked over the words "officer down."

If it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be lying here, broken and bleeding from two bullet wounds, fighting the darkness that threatened to suck her into oblivion.

She continued her internal rant, trying desperately to keep the fear and regrets that she could feel sneaking up in the back of her mind.

She was starting to have trouble breathing and was beginning to feel a chill despite the warm afternoon. She involuntarily shivered, sending a wave of fire through her body from her wounds.

The thoughts that she had been trying to keep at bay overwhelmed her as the pain died down from sharp and blinding to merely excruciating.

What if she died never having told him how she felt? Even if he had walked off with _her_ on his arm. He would never know...

She wasn't sure how much time had passed during her tormented musings but suddenly sirens seemed to be all around her and she was being jostled around, presumably by paramedics.

Her body arched in protest as Esposito's hands over her wounds were replaced and pressure was reapplied. The pain returned full force, suffocating her, drowning her.

As though from a long distance away, she heard an unintelligible scream as his face burnt itself into her mind before she tumbled into darkness.

"Rick..."


	2. Chapter 2

**For Emily A. Castle for pestering me and for for being an awesome beta**

**Reviews?**

Richard Castle spun around, thinking he heard footsteps behind him. His heart racing, he tried to move to a more protected location but his legs wouldn't budge. His anxiety rising, he knew he was searching desperately for something...or someone. A shadow ahead moved, coming towards him, making him break out in a nervous sweat, still unable to move. Not for the first time, he wished he was allowed to carry a gun.

Unable to move, he was trapped watching the shape approach. Slowly it took the shape of a woman, then it was close enough that he could see it was Detective Beckett. She looked different somehow though. Fiercer and yet somehow more vulnerable than he had ever seen the real Beckett. His heart in his throat, he couldn't force any words out. He wanted to tell her how she had been on his mind ever since he had left New York and that their interrupted conversation preyed on his hopes and fears every waking hour.

The dream-Beckett stopped several metres away from him, her eyes boring into his. He couldn't have broken from her gaze if he had wanted to. She opened her mouth as though about to say something, but she never got the chance. Her face turned in a flash to an expression of terror mixed with...pain and... some other emotion. Regret? As though suddenly released from invisible bonds, Castle reached for her, desperately trying to reach her before...before what?

As though confirming his fears, Beckett vanished as a scream ripped through his mind and dragged him back to consciousness.

Castle sat up suddenly, a half choked sob stuck in his throat. He barely managed to maintain his balance in his usual writing position of feet on the desk, laptop on his lap. The laptop wasn't so lucky and crashed to the floor, the screen momentarily going black in protest.

Ignoring the battered computer beside him, he quickly manoeuvred so both feet were back on the floor and placed his head in his hands, wiping the fear sweat off his forehead as he did so. He took several deep breaths to try to calm down and get some oxygen back into his system.

He had just managed to get his breathing under control when his traitorous mind replayed the terrifying final moments before he had woken. The echo of the woman's scream playing in his mind made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and the sweat break out again. Suddenly he propelled himself out of his chair.

A woman's scream? Gina!

"Gina!" His call was almost panicked as he checked her room and found it empty. He called again as he descended the stairs to the open plan living area. She was nowhere to be seen. He headed for the French doors which faced the beach.

"Gina!" She was laying on one of the deckchairs, bikini-clad and sunglasses in place. Startled by his voice, she sat up and stared at him. Lowering her sunglasses so she could see over them, she appraised him. Something had obviously spooked him.

"Rick? What's wrong?" He was white as a ghost and had an almost frenzied look on his face though he seemed to calm down a little when he saw her.

"Are you ok?" He choked out.

Slightly confused by the question, she answered to the affirmative.

"Why?"

His face changed from panicked to confused.

"I thought I heard...never mind." Since she was obviously fine, he was starting to feel slightly foolish.

"Heard what?"

"It's nothing, really."

"Rick, you just charged out here like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were chasing you down the stairs and now you say it's nothing? Come on, spill." The latter part was said in a tone that brooked no arguments.

"I was in my study and I heard a woman's scream and since you're the only woman in screaming range, I thought there was something wrong and you weren't inside so I guess I panicked a little."

All of this was said very quickly in the one breath before he grinned at her sheepishly.

"Well. I've been out here for the last 20 minutes and haven't heard anything. Are you sure you didn't fall asleep at your desk? You used to do that pretty regularly, if I recall."

His grin wavered.

"I know I was supposed to be writing but I was only asleep for a minute, I swear. I'm getting lots done, I just..."

She interrupted his excuses.

"I've seen the chapters. I'm not worried about that. I'm just suggesting that it may have been a dream and you woke yourself up."

"Oh..." He thought about it for a second. "I guess you could be right. It just didn't occur to me when it woke me, I guess."

"Well, now that you're fully awake again, why don't you spend another hour or so on the book? Then we can figure out what we're doing for dinner."

A little idiotic about his panic attack, he headed back inside to his study.

_It sounded so real though_, he thought.

Gina resettled herself on her deck chair. Though she thought it was sweet he had been worried about her, she shook her head at his overreaction.

_Authors_, she thought as she pushed her sunglasses back into place and closed her eyes.

-TWO HOURS LATER-

Castle stared at the still blank Word document with its cursor flashing tauntingly. He had been sitting here for hours, completely incapable of coming up with a single sentence he liked. Not that he was trying very hard. He still felt haunted by the cry that had woken him earlier. He had been so certain it was real.

Each time it replayed in his mind, he broke out in a sweat, his heart rate skyrocketed and he got chills up and down his spine. He wanted to call Alexis but she was at her summer camp at Princeton and had college activities all day. He didn't want to take her away from anything just because he had a nightmare.

To try to distract himself, he wracked his brains to recall his dream. As often happened with dreams, it had faded til he was almost unable to remember the details. But that scream... He replayed it over and over in his head until he was no longer sure if the voice had really called his name in anguish and pain or whether that part was just his overactive imagination.

The sound of his phone ringing made him jump. He glanced at the caller ID which brought a smile to his face and banished all thoughts of the scream...for the moment.

"So my Jedi mind trick works even from this distance? Good to know." He joked by way of greeting.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hey pumpkin, how's college treating you?"

"It's fantastic, Dad! I've met loads of cool people and found loads of subjects I want to do. I still miss you though."

"Yeah, I miss you too."

"...You ok, Dad?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just didn't sleep well."

"Oh...How's the book going?"

"It's going...sort of...I thought I was on a roll but now I've been blocked and distracted all afternoon."

"Anything I can help with?"

"No thanks sweetie. I think this is one of those ones I need to work through myself."

"Ok then. Let me know if you change your mind."

"Roger that."

They chatted for a few more minutes before Castle felt he was being watched. He glanced up to see Gina standing in the doorway.

"Sweetie, I think I'm gonna have to go. We're going to go have dinner."

"Sure. Ok. Love you, Dad. Say hi to Gina for me."

"Sure thing, pumpkin. I'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye."

He hung up somewhat reluctantly. Then he smiled and glanced at his publisher.

"Alexis says hi."

"Great. Sounds like she's enjoying Princeton."

"Yeah it does. So...dinner? Eat in or go out?"

"Order in? Can order from that place down the road we used to love."

"Sounds like a plan." He headed downstairs for a menu.

As soon as he was gone, Gina snuck across the room and checked his laptop. He had gotten a bit more done but the last save was over half an hour ago. Oh well, as long as he was getting some work done. He had seemed pretty freaked earlier so she decided to let him off this time.

She turned and followed him downstairs.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Half an hour later, they were sitting on the deck facing the ocean enjoying their seafood. They chatted and laughed for a while before lapsing into companionable silence. Castle was lost in his thoughts while Gina contemplated how the sun glanced off her wine glass.

After a few minutes, Gina asked, "How's the writing going?"  
>Castle grinned. "You don't really need to ask that. I know you look at the timestamps of the last time I saved it. But it's actually been going well. I was a bit off this afternoon but I might put some more work in after dinner. I can actually go get it if you want. I know you've sighted the chapters but I'm pretty happy with several of them now." Before she could tell him to finish his dinner first, he bounded away into the darkened house. She sighed and turned back to the gorgeous sunset, stealing a piece of calamari from Castle's plate while he was gone.<p>

Upstairs, Castle was collecting the last pages from his printer when car headlights light up the room through the blinds. Curious at who would be visiting him here at his hour, he cracked the blinds and peered out. His breath caught when he saw the dark familiar shape of a Crown Vic in his driveway.

Scattering pages as he went, he hurried back downstairs, hearing the doorbell ring as he was halfway there. Gina beat him to the door and opened it to greet the visitor.

As he came up behind Gina, Castle said "Well well, detective, this is a...Esposito?"

He had been so sure it was Beckett, he hadn't taken into account that the boys also had a Crown Vic.

Recovering slightly and trying to hide his disappointment, he remembered his manners.

"Come on in, bro."

"I can't, Castle."

"What? Why?" Castle came closer and took in the rumpled state of the other man's suit and the miserable expression on his face.

Feeling his heart plummet, Castle asked in a daze, "What's wrong?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Very VERY minor spoiler for 314 - Lucky Stiff.**

Javier Esposito was in crisis. He had done this sort of thing a thousand times before. He never enjoyed it but this was not a new experience. The delivery of bad news was never a sought-after assignment. As a homicide detective, he had told many a family member or partner that their loved one was not coming home. This, however, was so much more difficult.

As he looked up at the large Hamptons residence, he again debated whether he should just turn around and go back to New York, leave this to someone else or for another time. A time when they knew more. Because he knew that the man in that house would demand an explanation as well as recompense no doubt. Only replaying the events of the afternoon over and over on the drive here had maintained his resolve.

When he saw the flick of the blinds on the second floor of the house, he realised his last chance of avoiding this experience had vanished.

With a sigh, he exited his car and headed for the door, pressing the bell as he got there. He was momentarily confused when a blonde woman answered the door. It took him a second to realise she was the woman Castle had left the precinct with earlier in the summer. Out of habit, he stepped forward, flashing his badge as he did so, an action that usually guaranteed him admittance since most people were not used to slamming the door in the face of a cop.

The blonde, he recalled Lanie had said her name was Gina and she was Castle's second ex-wife, was no exception. She took the instinctive step back, opening the door wider. As Esposito stepped into the entrance hall, he heard Castle's voice. He sounded excited and a little out of breath.

Esposito realised that Castle had jumped to conclusions about who his visitor was because as soon as he came into sight, he abruptly broke off what he had been saying.

"Esposito?" The detective's name came out as a question. Watching the confusion on the author's face gave Esposito a tight feeling in his chest. Despite the fact his mind was yelling at him to stall, he knew he had to get out what he came to say before he lost the nerve and found another excuse for his presence.

He watched silently as Castle recovered enough to invite him in.

Bro? Castle dared to call him bro after three weeks of radio silence? Esposito felt anger coil in his stomach. If Castle had been there, Esposito and Ryan would have had a fully-functional Beckett at their back instead of...

Esposito cut off his train of thought. He knew there was no point placing blame now. No matter how justified he felt it to be.

He managed to choke out a negative to Castle's invitation. The crushing feeling in his chest intensified when he saw realisation dawn on Castle's face. They both knew there was only one reason that Esposito would turn up unannounced at this time of night, looking like he did.

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Each of Castle's questions was asked in an increasingly panicked tone, each one chipping away at Esposito's resolve not to break. Esposito knew Castle knew what he was here for but was avoiding it until he had confirmation. The detective in him noted all of this in a surprisingly detached manner.

"Castle, I think you should sit down for this."

"To hell with sitting down," Castle snapped, worry impairing his ability to be patient, "tell me what's happened."

Alright, thought Esposito, you asked for it. All of the carefully constructed sentences he had composed on the drive here flew out the window in the face of his angry reaction to Castle's tone. Squaring his shoulders, he adopted his formal reporting stance and gave Castle the facts in a flat emotionless tone.

"At approximately 1645 today, NYPD Detective Kate Beckett was shot twice in the course of duty."

"Oh my god." Castle turned deathly pale and swayed a little in place.

"Richard?" Gina's worried tone cut through the tension between the two men. She crossed the entrance hall to Castle's side, a concerned hand on his arm.

"Oh my god" He repeated before sliding to the floor, burying his face in his hands. "Kate!" Her name came out as a sob. Gina was on her knees at his side, wanting to comfort him but instinctively knowing he didn't want to be touched.

It took them both a second to realise that Esposito was trying to regain their attention.

"Castle! She's not dead. She's in critical condition and was still in surgery when I left. We decided we needed to come get you before she got out and woke up. None of us think she could handle waking up and you still not being there."

Hiccupping lightly, Castle raised his head and stared at Esposito with red, puffy eyes.

"What?"

Esposito repeated himself.

"She's alive. I'm here to get you back to the city. Lanie gave me strict orders to have you there by the time she is in recovery or...well never you mind but you know how creative she can be with threats."

"Why are we still here then? I gotta get there." He clambered awkwardly to his feet and started for the door, lurching slightly as the blood rushed from his head from the sudden movement. Once it stopped he started for the door. Suddenly he stopped as though he remembered something. He turned and faced Gina, his expression guilty but his eyes pleading.

Gina met his gaze and knew what he was asking.

"I'll clean up here and be back in the city in the morning," She told him.

"I can't ask you to do that. I invited you here for a vacation," he was frowning, feeling conflicted.

Gina gave him an understanding smile. "I know but things have changed now. You need to get back to the city now. Plus you didn't ask. I offered."

"Are you sure you don't mind me leaving? You know you can stay here as long as you want."

"I was going to have to go back soon anyway. There will already be a huge pile of new manuscripts on my desk and there will be some author or another who will have tried to take advantage of my absence to take longer on their new book." She gave Castle a meaningful look. He was often on the receiving end of one of her 'Get it done or else' calls. "You two leave now and I'll follow in the morning."

"Ok..." Castle still felt bad for cutting her holiday short.

Gina saw that Castle wasn't going to get organised on his own so she took charge of the situation.

"Go grab anything that you brought with you like your laptop and get in the car and go," she ordered. "You're not going to want to come all the way back out here once you're back in the city. Especially once Detective Beckett is in recovery."

Castle stared at her for a moment, then hurried to do as she said. Gina headed out onto the deck to clean up their abandoned dinner.

Despite his earlier assertion that he wouldn't come inside, Esposito trailed them into the house, watching the dynamic between the two. He also took the opportunity to suss out the rest of the house. He followed Castle up to his room where he was grabbing the various chargers and cords. As Castle raced around finding things, Esposito filled him in fully on the events of the afternoon.

As he told Castle about their case, there was a major debate being fought in his head. For the entire drive, Esposito had debated whether to tell Castle about the last thing he had heard Beckett say before she lost consciousness. Or screamed, he corrected. It had given him chills. Never before had he heard such...he didn't even know how to describe it. All he knew was he never wanted to hear anything like it again. Even the poor imitation his brain kept repeating back to him made him shiver. Sweat broke out on his palms as he recalled the scream and the image of her body writhing in pain as the paramedics pushed him out of the way gave him a nauseous feeling.

He had just settled on telling Castle when the door to the house had been answered by Gina, effectively putting an end to the idea of telling Castle his partner had called his name before losing consciousness.

So much blood. Esposito frowned and concentrated on pushing the images away. He couldn't let them overwhelm him.

Castle's devastated reaction to the news that Kate had been shot had again swayed his decision but he decided to hold off. At least until they were out of the presence of his current...whatever she was.

What did you call an ex-wife who you were dating again? He vaguely wondered.

When Castle was fully up to date, Esposito asked to use the bathroom.

"Sure," said Castle, indicating the door off his bedroom, "Use mine."

"Thanks, bro."

Esposito had noticed there hadn't been anything to indicate a woman's presence in Castle's bedroom. After using the necessary facilities, he did a little detective work and again found no evidence that Gina was using the main bedroom or bathroom at all.

Weird, he thought.

When he came back into the bedroom, Castle had everything he needed and was figuring out how to carry it all downstairs. Esposito took one bag that appeared to be full of printed pages. The new Nikki Heat, he assumed.

"She's staying in the guest bedroom." Castle's voice startled him. He had spoken little once Esposito had finishing telling him about the shooting. Looking up from the contents of the bag, he watched as the author shoved cords into the extra pockets of his laptop bag.

"Gina. She's staying in the guest bedroom. It was never like _that_. Not since when we were married. She came to help me get some work done and to get away from the city for a while."

"I didn't ask, Castle."

"Yeah you were not asking very loudly."

They left the conversation at that and carried everything down to the entryway.

Within half an hour of Esposito's arrival, Castle was ready to leave.

"Alright, we just need to get these bags into the car and we can go," said Esposito.

"Rick!" Gina called from the depths of the house.

"At the front door!" Castle answered.

"I just remembered we drove your car down and you know I hate to drive that thing. How am I going to get back to the city?" She continued as she joined them in the entrance hall.

"Uhh..." Castle looked at Esposito for ideas.

"I'd suggest switching cars but I'm not allowed to let you have the cruiser. Sorry."

Gina nodded her understanding though she looked positively fearful that she might have to drive Castle's car.

Esposito wondered at her hesitation then thought for a moment. "I guess I could..."

"Could what?" Castle was getting impatient to leave now he was ready. He figured he would feel less guilty about leaving Gina once he was out of her immediate presence.

"How soon do you _need_ to be back in the city?" Esposito's question was directed at Gina.

"Uh...It doesn't matter. As far as work knows, I'm staying here until Naked Heat is finished."

Esposito shot a look at Castle when he heard the title of the new book. Castle grinned and shrugged.

"Well, if you're ok with getting back later rather than earlier tomorrow, I can probably get the Captain to send a uniform out to get the cruiser and take you back to the city."

Gina thought it over for a second then agreed vigorously. Anything not to have to drive that death trap of Rick's. She had only agreed to ride in it on the way here because the idea of driving it had cheered him up for a bit.

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

"Fairly sure. If not, Rick here will call you a driver and we'll sort the cruiser out later. Ryan and I are the only ones who use it and I don't think we're gonna need it for a few days at least." He was quiet for a moment as the reality of the shooting closed in on him for a moment before he shook it off. "Ok then, I'll set that up when I get back to the city. Castle, lead on."

"Right." Castle grabbed a bag in each arm and went out the front door, dropping the bags on the driveway and pressing the remote for the automatic garage door.

Esposito went to his car to make sure everything was secure and to grab the gumball light. They had taken enough time already. If he could cut down their travel time back to the city, he would.

He relocked his car, put the keys in his pocket then headed to where Castle was standing on the driveway.

"So Castle, let's see this death trap that she's so loath to dr..." He cut himself off as the garage doors rolled open.

"No way..." Esposito breathed. There, crouched in the garage bay, was a blood-red Ferrari. Castle immediately strode around the back and shoved his bags in the boot and went to get in the driver's seat.

"Uh uh." Esposito's voice stopped him. "I'm driving."

Castle opened his mouth to protest.

"No complaints. We are using this, "he indicated the light in his hand, " so an officer has to be at the wheel...Like you said, it only goes as fast as any other car in traffic."

Castle recalled another conversation just like this, except the other participant had had long brunette locks and was wearing a dress which left little to the imagination. To avoid breaking down over the image of Beckett, he shoved aside the memory and meekly crossed around to the passenger side.

Esposito nearly rubbed his hands with glee, temporarily forgetting the reason he was forced to retrieve Castle from the Hamptons. Sticking the gumball to the roof, he got in the driver's seat, plugged in the light and pressed the start button on the dash. The engine roared to life, making Esposito grin.

Both men waved to Gina as Esposito gunned the Ferrari out of the garage, hesitated at the curb then sped off down the street.

Gina shook her head. Even in the face of events like this afternoon's, boys still loved their toys.

**Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

**My deepest apologies for how long it took me to update. Uni and Assignments got in the way. Hopefully will have this wrapped up before my exams start though.**  
><strong>Not hugely happy with this chapter but my beta said it was fine and feel bad for making any readers i still have wait so long. so here it is. Reviews are appreciated.<strong>

She floated in the darkness, oblivious to the pain that had earlier wracked her body. Her mind was blissfully empty. She couldn't recall the last time she had been in this state, completely relaxed, all her worries and hurt feeling so far away and that distance was only increasing.

Somehow she knew she could stay like this forever. No pain, no worries, no regrets...nothing.

All she had to do was...let go.

That was it. Let go. Two little words.

Two little words that Katherine Beckett had never truly learned the meaning of. Those two as well as "give up".

She had never let go of her mother's case, of any case for that matter. Her drive and focus defined her and made her one of the finest cops in the NYPD. Her empathy and understanding of the victim's families and relentless efforts to bring them the closure she never got were legendary.

She couldn't just give up.

Once those thoughts took form in her mind, she felt like the fog had parted, her mind clear rather than blank.

Two bullets would not end Detective Kate Beckett. There were still people who needed her, who she needed. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving her father, her death would break apart what was left of him after Johanna. Her team needed her, just as much as she needed them. Without each of the elements of the group, they wouldn't have the outstanding clearance rate they did.

As long as there was breath in her body, she would fight to stay.

With that conscious thought, the pain and hurt and worry began rushing back from the distant place they had drifted to. She could almost hear them, gathering speed like a high-powered sports car accelerating, but they were still a few seconds away.

In front of her eyes, a spectre formed. Somehow she knew she had to reach the form before the fast approaching pain again clouded her mind.

At the unconscious thought, she glided forward. The apparition slowly came into focus. She realised its back was turned and that it was human in form. At her approach, it spun to face her.

Her heart leapt into her throat, choking off all the things she had wanted to say to Richard Castle the next time he stood in front of her.

She gasped as his scared expression quickly morphed into one of those smiles she secretly thought he reserved only for her. Swallowing thickly, she struggled to recover her ability to speak.

But it was too late.

The pain hit her like a freight train punching through her lower abdomen. She nearly doubled over in agony, barely registering the phantom-Castle reaching for her, his face masked in fear and concern.

The closer he came, the further away he seemed. She barely registered that that didn't make any sense before she was roughly yanked into a brightly lit environment where strong hands held her down.

Her inability to move filled her with panic so she did what Kate Beckett always did.

She fought.

Her fear escalated as she registered the weakness of her limbs, though she continued to thrash wildly.

"She's regaining consciousness," A voice pierced the cloud that had descended in her mind, "Miss Beckett! Kate! We need you to lie still. You're going into surgery. You've sustained serious gunshot wounds and struggling is not helping."

In her haze, very little of what the voice said registered or made sense to her but she was tiring quickly.

She barely managed a protesting noise in her throat before a mask was placed over her mouth and nose and she drifted back into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Once again sorry for the slow update. Am coming to the end of Semester 1 at uni so assignments are being horrid. Hopefully will have a few chapters on Monday for you. Have a LOOONG train trip to fill in. They will be posted as soon as my beta is finished gallivanting around the Mediterranean. Have fun babe :)**

The traffic was light as the red Ferrari sprinted towards the bright lights of New York City, its occupants each immersed in their own thoughts, negating any attempt at conversation.

Every now and then, a streetlight would flash past, revealing clenched jaws and a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel as Esposito concentrated on ducking and weaving around the few other cars they happened across. Several times during this precious interval of light, he cast a worried look at the slumped form in the passenger seat.

Castle had said barely two words since they had left the Hamptons, leaving Esposito to wrestle with his own thoughts. His brow furrowed as he tried to block it all out. What if they were too late? His powerful forearms flexed reflexively at the terrifying thought and he shifted in his seat.

Castle shifted in the passenger seat. He was seriously rethinking letting Esposito drive. At least if he were driving, he would have something to concentrate on to try to stop the montage of memories being paraded around in his head.

He was pretty sure his mind was dragging up every single thing it could find even remotely connected with Kate Beckett.

Even thinking of laser tag with Alexis conjured up the look on Beckett's face when he had answered the door, fully armed with laser gun and adorned with bright blue lights.

He glanced at his phone for the hundredth time, finger hovering over the call button, debating whether to ring his daughter and explain what was going on and for the hundredth time he relocked the keypad and looked back out the window. She would just worry and want to come home.

He jumped when Esposito finally broke the silence.

"We should be in the city within half an hour. Hopefully traffic won't be too bad and we can be at the hospital fairly soon."

Castle merely nodded, not trusting his voice to answer.

"She'll be ok, bro." Castle glanced at him. "She has to be."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Lanie Parrish stared into the murky depths of her tea, swirling it alternately one way then the other, making a game out of trying to get it as close to the rim as she could without spilling. She could almost hear her mother scolding her for playing with her drink but at that moment it was her lifeline, the one thing that was keeping her from going back to the nurses' desk for the thousandth time and asking, no, begging them to give her an update on her best friend.

Every so often she glanced up at the clock on the waiting room wall. Where the hell was Esposito? She had dispatched him to retrieve Writer Boy hours ago. She knew he hadn't really had enough time to get there and back yet but she was still impatient. She jumped and looked up every time a vehicle pulled in the car park visible through the giant sliding doors at the entrance to the hospital. Every time so far she had been disappointed.

She spared a glance at Ryan, sprawled across several chairs, still listlessly flicking through the same magazine he had chosen from the pile on the table beside the hard wooden chairs and rubber tree plant.

She watched as he looked up when another car pulled up, his eyes lighting up a little with hope that Castle and Esposito had arrived. The baby blues darkened a little then flicked back to the page, confirming without her having to check that the car had not contained their friends either.

A crack of thunder made them both jump as it began to rain outside. Within moments, the car park had rivulets of water rushing through it as the torrential rain continued.

_How fitting_, thought Lanie, _miserable weather for a heartbreaking day_.

She and Ryan watched the downpour, transfixed by it. Neither of them gave much notice to the red sports car that pulled up just outside the doors as the passenger opened their door and dashed under cover, jacket drawn over their head in a vain attempt to keep the water off.

She gave a gasp of recognition once the man took the jacket away though.

"Oof!" Castle grunted as Lanie wrapped her arms around his middle, giving him a quick, strong squeeze before pulling away and thumping him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what it was for, Writer Boy!" Now Castle had finally arrived, all Lanie's protective BFF instincts came to the fore. "Swanning off for the summer without so much as a word to any of us for weeks!"

Lanie was careful not to out Kate and tell Castle how miserable she had been but he was not going to get away with strolling into the hospital with his cute grin and baby blues without any consequences. Especially not when he had the nerve to not even talk to Esposito or Ryan or herself for those weeks either.

"Ow! Lanie, stop it!" Castle cowered away from the blows she was raining on every part of him she could reach. "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch! I'm sorry ok?"

Lanie stopped her onslaught and glared at him. Her gaze softened when she saw the despondent look on his face. His hair was sticking up at all angles from the rain and from him running his fingers through it. His shirt and pants were crumpled and damp from his mad dash inside. His jacket was being crushed into a small ball in his hands, betraying his distress.

"Did Esposito fill you in?" she asked softly.

He nodded dumbly, suddenly very interested in the jacket in his hands.

"Do you know anything more?" His voice cracked a little as he asked, dreading the answer.

"We haven't heard anything since she went in." Ryan cut in. Castle nodded his understanding again.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

"Sit with us and wait." Lanie told him. She led him to one of the chairs and sat him down, taking a seat beside him. She has never seen him this quiet and she didn't like it.

She looked up at the hiss of the automatic sliding doors to see Esposito arriving from parking the car. With a reassuring pat on Castle's knee, she strode towards Esposito so they met out of earshot of the other two.

"Did you tell him about...?" Lanie asked him.

"No. I wasn't sure how to handle it. He's been really quiet the whole trip. Since we left the Hamptons, I don't think he's said more than a couple of words." They both threw concerned glances to where the subject of their discussion was sitting, shoulders hunched, head resting in his hands.

"How are you holding up?" Esposito asked gently, his hand cupping her cheek. She smiled through the tears that sprang to her eyes.

"It's Kate, Javi. She'll be fine. She has to be fine." One traitorous tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.

Esposito wrapped her in his arms, not caring that such a gesture would reveal their relationship to the other two. Her head nestled where his neck met his shoulder, he could feel her hot tears hit then soak into the front of his shirt.

"I know. She has to be ok," he murmured into her hair. "For all of us."

He released her when he saw a doctor arrive in the waiting room. She quickly swiped at the tears as she and Esposito made their way back to Castle and Ryan.

The other two were on their feet and approaching the doctor as soon as he appeared.

All four of them stopped in front of him, effectively forming a wall, demanding news, an update, anything.

The doctor glanced at his clipboard then back at them.

"Family of Katherine Beckett?"

**I KNOW its a cliffhanger and I'm sorry but new chapters really soon. Promise. In the meantime...review?**


	6. Chapter 6

**woo! I did it :P Updated when I said I would. Technically cheating cos is 3am Tues morning but its still Monday somewhere.**

**Thankyou as always to my beta. Couldn't publish without you babe. Seriously. I tried. Couldn't bring myself to do it.**

"Yes? That's us." Lanie confirmed for all of them.

The doctor looked at them sceptically. They obviously weren't blood relatives. He glanced back at his notes.

"Uh...Lanie Parrish? You're the emergency contact for Miss Beckett?"

"_Detective_ Beckett." Castle snapped, worry fraying his patience.

Lanie laid a calming hand on his arm and confirmed that she was Kate's emergency contact.

"She didn't want her dad getting the call." She explained.

"Well, you're the only one I am authorised to discuss Detective Beckett's condition with." He glanced at the three men sympathetically.

At the suggestion that they were not getting any information, they each adopted a defensive position, stubbornness written in every line of their bodies. Castle's glower even brought him close to Esposito's level of intimidation.

"It's ok guys. I will fill you in. You three standing there isn't helping." They all seemed to rethink their position, relaxing slightly but still making no move to give the doctor some space.

Sighing, Lanie led the doctor away from them, to the other end of the waiting room, impatient for information. Accepting defeat, Ryan threw himself into one of the unforgiving plastic chairs while Esposito leaned against the wall, arms folded, every nerve in his body straining towards Lanie, waiting for any sign of distress so he could rush to her side. Castle paced like a caged tiger, his eyes rarely leaving the pair of medical professionals at the other end of the room, his restless movements unconsciously closing the distance ever so slightly with each pass.

"How is she?" Lanie tried to prepare herself for any and all news. She had had enough time to go over all the possibilities. Her medical training and experience as an ME had certainly given her enough insight to what high velocity projectiles could do to the human body.

"Two bullets hit her lower abdomen. A third hit her in the ribs but her vest stopped it. She definitely wouldn't be here if she hadn't had the vest on. We managed to ..." The rest of the doctor's speech faded into white noise. _Wouldn't be here?_ She was alive. Thank god.

With a great deal of effort, she refocussed on what the doctor was saying.

"...has been moved to a private room. We're keeping her sedated for a while longer. You and your friends can sit with her if you wish."

Unable to speak in her relief, Lanie nodded vigorously, dislodged several tears that had sprung to her eyes when she heard the good news. The doctor placed a calming hand on her shoulder and she gave him a watery smile.

All three men were instantly on their feet when they saw the comforting gesture. Part of their reaction stemmed from wanting to comfort Lanie and find out what she knew, but another part, whether they recognised it or not, was due to their overstimulated protective instincts awakened by the events of the shooting. The boys hadn't been able to protect Beckett, hell, Castle hadn't even been in the city, but they were not about to let anything hurt another member of their unorthodox but close-knit family.

When she turned to rejoin them, panic flickered over their features and coiled nauseatingly in their stomachs. It took them several tense seconds to comprehend her relieved smile which immediately banished their fears that the doctor bore bad news.

"She's gonna be ok," she managed to choke out before the tears she had held back for the most part of the ordeal overtook her.

Esposito let out a sigh, feeling like he had been holding his breath since the moment he saw the blood on his boss's shirt. He wrapped his girlfriend in a crushing hug, her face buried in his shoulder leaving hot tear stains on his shirt. He pressed his lips to her hair as she returned the embrace.

Ryan felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his chest. He pinched himself once, then twice, to make sure he hadn't finally managed to doze off while waiting for news. His face broke into a wide grin when he realised it was real and that Beckett was really going to be ok. Esposito had spent most of his time since the shooting collecting Castle. Ryan had been the one who had had to ring Lanie and meet her at the hospital for several tense hours of waiting. He was the one without anything to distract from the dark thoughts of 'if only', rehashing everything that he and his partner could have done differently to prevent Beckett's injury. Now that he knew she was going to live, all the regretful thoughts washed away.

Castle had remained silent when Lanie told them the news and walked away as soon as he heard she was going to be fine. The other three watched him struggle to collect himself, his shoulders quaking as he concentrated on making himself a coffee, anything to keep his hands busy while he dealt with the flood of emotion that had rushed through him.

_She's ok. She's ok. She's ok..._

He repeated the mantra as he went through the motions of coffee-making.

Boiling water. _She's alive._

Coffee. _She's going to get better._

1 sugar. _She's going to recover._

_2 _sugars. _She's ok._

Milk. _She's ok._

Stir.

By the time the coffee was made, he had calmed down a little and rejoined the others. He didn't drink the coffee, just held it in his hands as though drawing comfort from the warmth.

The doctor gave them a few moments to collect themselves before clearing his throat. They all turned to look at him, looking like deer in the headlights, still processing all he had told them.

"If you would like to follow me, I'll take you to her room." He turned and walked away without waiting for a confirmation.

The four friends trailed him closely, like emotionally dazed ducklings.

**Yes I KNOW I promised a min of two chapters and the next one is written but must be typed. There's a lot to be said 6.5hr train trips for getting things done.**

**Reviews might help my typing speed... :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks soo much for all your reviews. Fastest update of the whole story so far i think :)**

_She's ok. She's ok. She's ok._

Castle kept up his mantra as he followed the doctor through the maze of corridors. He weaved around gurneys being wheeled to various other rooms without glancing at them or the nurses moving them. His only focus was getting to Kate.

It seemed to take forever, corner after corner, turn after turn, before the doctor finally slowed and approached a door, turning the handle and shouldering it open. He stood to the side while the others filed into the room.

The momentary jubilation over receiving the news that Kate had pulled through, melted away as they all took in the scene in the room.

Kate lay on the bed, eyes closed, pale and unmoving. Only the steady beeping of the heart monitor broke the silence. Cords snaked from her wrists to the IV drips on the stand beside her.

Castle was the first to recover and was at the bedside in three long strides.

She looked so small. Fragile. There was something unnatural in the way she was laid straight out on the bed, hands at her sides. He glanced at the green lines on the heart monitor to reassure himself.

He captured her hand and took the seat closest to the head of the bed. This was not the Kate Beckett he knew and...well this wasn't her. The Kate he knew was strong and vibrant. He watched her face intently, searching for any sign that his Kate...his Kate?...was returning despite the doctor's reminder them she was still sedated so would be unlikely to wake up for the next several hours.

When Castle didn't respond to the reminder, the doctor turned to Lanie for confirmation that she understood. Glancing at his ID badge, Lanie nodded.

"Thank you, Dr Mayfair. Just...thank you."

He returned the nod and gave her a small smile before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.

She took the chair next to Castle, emotions roiling in her head. She was glad to be able to see her friend after hours of not knowing if she was even alive, but there was still a cold fist of worry in her stomach. She was scared by seeing Kate in this insensible state. She longed for her friend to wake up, to roll her eyes at Lanie's worried expression The thought of Kate to berating her affectionately for being silly enough to think a bullet would put an end to Katherine Beckett made her huff a laugh.

Esposito and Ryan stood at the foot of the bed, staring unbelieving at their boss. The Kate Beckett they saw at the precinct and at crime scenes was proving difficult to reconcile with the Kate Beckett in the hospital. Neither of them had felt so helpless, nigh impotent, before. Both would lay their lives on the line to protect their team but this they had no idea how to fight. It killed them that there was nothing they could do. Beckett had to fight her way through this on her own.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Hours passed with few words passing between them. Ryan left at one point and arrived back with take-away for all of them. They ate in silence, keeping an eye on any nurses when they came in to check on her.

Their vigil was interrupted by a quiet knock as Captain Montgomery entered the room.

"Relax guys," he ordered the two detectives who had started to their feet," how is she?"

"Still sedated. They got the bullets out. She's going to be ok." Lanie told him. He visibly relaxed upon hearing that. He had become close friends with Beckett and was proud of her achievements. He couldn't bear to think of the 12th without her.

He took a deep breath before addressing them again.

"I'm really sorry guys but...I need you back at the precinct." They all stared at him in shock, "Just Esposito and Ryan," he reassured the other two when they opened their mouths to protest.

Neither detective looked very impressed.

"I'm sorry but IA is already sniffing around and we need our paperwork in order as soon as possible. I managed to get you enough time so you could see her when she came out of surgery but now I really need you back at work."

Ryan acquiesced first, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. Esposito, however, took more convincing. He caught Lanie's gaze, silently telling her that if she needed him, he would flout orders to stay. A nod from her, however, and he rose to follow to leave.

As he too grabbed his coat, he told the Captain he had had to leave the cruiser at Castle's Hampton residence. Seeing Montgomery's confused expression, he explained further.

"Gina didn't want to drive Castle's car back to the city herself so we brought it and I said I would organise for a uniform to go collect it."

Though still confused about the situation, Montgomery said he would dispatch one of the uniformed officers as soon as he could. He asked Lanie and Castle to call him with any updates and told them he would be back when he could. With a final glance at Kate, he left with a reluctant Esposito in tow.

**Yay, Chapter 7 out of the way. Really didn't think I would get this far, but I'm reeeaaally easy to guilt trip and didn't want to disappoint my reviewers. Am still hashing out some things for Chapter 8 but it will be up soon. Reviews please :) and kudos to anyone who catches the nod to another show.**

**PS It was kinda late when I posted this and I did some last minute editing so any errors are mine. Let me know and I'll fix them.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ta daa. New chapter *cue applause*...*crickets*...ok if you're still here, thanks so much for sticking with me :)**

"Did you call her father?"

Lanie jerked out of her half-dozing state, half-sitting up from her slumped position before remembering where she was...and why.

A quick glance at the bed assured her Kate was still asleep before she turned to Castle.

"Hmmm wha'?" She mumbled while rubbing her eyes with the tips of her fingers, trying to get rid of the scratchy aftermath of tears and only fits of restless sleep.

"Did you call her dad?" He didn't look up from his hand where it was intertwined with Kate's, fascinated by the slow, sure strokes of his thumb sweeping over the back of her hand. Slow and steady, completely at odds with the demented ramblings of his brain as it alternately discarded or expanded on each random, ludicrous thought as it occurred to him.

He was such a forlorn figure, Lanie almost forgot his original question.

"No, I haven't."

"What? Why not?"

"When Kate asked me to be her emergency contact, she made me promise not to call her dad unless it was absolutely necessary. He fell apart the first time he got a call about her when she joined the NYPD. She doesn't want him to have to go through that again."

"I can understand that." Castle murmured so softly that Lanie had to strain to hear, and even then she was unsure whether he was referring to Kate's stance about telling her father or her father's reaction to her getting hurt. His eyes roved from their hands to Kate's blissfully unaware face. "I think he needs to know. This isn't just an injury. This could've killed her. Could still kill her if there's..." His voice dropped to a whisper," complications."

He was surprised that of all the words in his considerable vocabulary as an author, this was the one that caused his heart to constrict almost painfully with dread. _Complications._

"You need to tell him," He insisted, turning tortured blue eyes to meet Lanie's gaze. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, she quirked her mouth in a tiny, sympathetic smile.

"I know you can relate to Jim as a father to an only daughter but it is not your call. Kate and I argued this over and over when she first asked me to do this. In the end, I only backed down because she said she would find someone else. She's my friend and she trusts me. It's what she wants."

From the stubborn set of his mouth, she knew he was set to argue with her further so she put up a hand to stop him.

"Uh uh, Castle." Her tone allowed no further pursuit of the subject. He dropped his gaze back to their hands in silence.

After waiting a moment til she knew he really had let it go, even if only for the moment, she squared her shoulders and stretched her arms in front of her, fingers intertwined and rolling her head to work out the knots in her neck. Groaning a little at the cracking the movement elicited, she stood and began to walk around the room, continuing to work the kinks out of her back.

She nearly missed it when he began to speak again.

"I had nightmares about this, you know. Not this exactly but a thousand other similar situations. Though I usually wasn't able to see her at the hospital after...and I could never do anything to stop it." His voice broke a little as all his imagined scenes came flooding back in shocking detail, his own personal torturous movie reel.

She crossed the room to his side and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I think everyone in this line of work has those nightmares at some point." A montage of her own half-remembered nightmares rolled in her mind, always culminating in one of her friends ending up on her slab.

"I never used to have them. Well, I did but they were about Alexis. Then Kate's apartment blew up...and it was my fault. Without Nikki Heat, none of that would've happened."

"Castle..." Lanie rubbed his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "It wasn't your fault. He was a psychopath. He hurt people before he even came to New York. You know that. And Beckett is fine...she'll be back in the precinct in no time. No doubt against doctor's orders."

He cracked a smile at the truth in the last part.

"I just..."

He broke off abruptly as a knock at the door disturbed them. A nurse came in to check on Kate. After fiddling with the bags of IV fluid, checking her vitals and noting everything down on her clipboard, she turned to the pair watching her silently .

"She's doing well." She assured them. Glancing at her notes again. " Uh...Ms Parrish...I need to discuss some of Miss Beckett's continuing treatment..." She looked meaningfully at Castle.

His face darkened when he realised the pointed look was a request for him to leave. Couldn't they just stand outside and talk?

_I guess it's a confidentiality thing_.

He was actually incredibly grateful that he had been let in to see her at all. Lanie's glare aside, he acquiesced to the silent request and rose to his feet, his back and hips protesting.

"I can take a hint. I'll be back in half an hour." The last part was directed at the nurse, making sure she knew that he was leaving as a courtesy and he would not take kindly to his return being prevented.

With a last glance at Beckett, he strode out of the room and down the corridor.

He walked quickly, not taking much note of where he was going, instead following any signs that read exit. He pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on. He was a little shocked to realise it was 7am. He had been at the hospital nearly 10 hours.

His phone vibrated in his hand almost instantly, indicating several voice messages had been received. Despite having not quite reached the outside, he placed the phone against his ear to listen to the messages. The first was his mother, the second Gina. The third was some random claiming he had won a cruise in a contest he had never entered. He quickly deleted the last one as the big sliding doors opened at his approach then hit replay as he headed towards a bench that had been out of the rain. He flopped down on it with a thud and a groan, taking comfort from the sound of his mother's voice.

Martha had called him just to check in and let him know how her play was going. He checked the time code. Midnight. He smiled. She probably hadn't even noticed the time. Just figured she would check in while she remembered.

Gina's call was short and to the point. She told him he had forgotten a few things and that she would drop them off when she got back to the city if he let her know where he was. Otherwise she would just drop it at his loft. He made a mental note to double-check the Captain had sent a uniform to get her.

He toyed with the phone for a moment, flicking it from hand to hand then rolling it between his thumb and middle finger.

Finally he sighed and unlocked the phone again. He scrolled through his contacts, finger skimming quickly over the screen. When he found the one he wanted, he hovered over it. It was still early but somehow he was sure that the person receiving the call wouldn't mind. Taking a deep breath, he hit 'Call.'

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Both women watched Castle leave before turning to face each other.

"Ms Parrish..."

"Actually, it's Doctor, but call me Lanie."

"Ok...Lanie. We're going to decrease the sedation meds so hopefully she will wake up soon. Her vitals are good and she's in great physical shape. With a lot of rest and some physiotherapy, She should recover perfectly. We'll need to keep her here for monitoring but as soon as we're happy with her progress, she can be discharged."

Lanie's face broke into a smile when she heard that Kate was going to wake up. Watching her unconscious on the bed was better than being kept in the waiting room but Lanie knew she wouldn't stop worrying before her friend woke up properly.

"That's great news. Such great news. Castle will be thrilled when he gets back. Thank you."

The nurse smiled and tucked her clipboard under her arm. A last double-check of the monitors and she left Lanie alone in the room.

"You hear that, girl? You're gonna wake up soon. And we'll all be here waiting for you."

Lanie took her seat beside the bed, feeling lighter for the first time in what felt like days. Things were going to be alright.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Twenty three minutes. Close enough.

Castle slipped his phone into his coat pocket and headed back inside. The phone call hadn't taken long which meant he was left to his own devices for the remainder of his temporary banishment. Each minute had seemed to take the time of three.

He had turned several corners before he realised that he couldn't actually remember the room Beckett was in. He wracked his brains but he had been so focussed on her, he hadn't paid attention.

He was turned and slowly started walking back the way he had come, looking for anything that looked familiar to get his bearings.

Turning one more corner, he nearly ran over a short nurse who was coming down the other corridor.

"Sorry." He said while trying to step around her. She stepped into his path.

"Sorry, visiting hours are not for a while yet."

"No, I know. I was just..."

"You were just turning around and going back to the waiting room if you insist on staying." She shooed him in front of her, ignoring his protests. She left him in the waiting room, giving him a glare that left him in no doubt that if he tried to sneak past her again, she would call an orderly to stand over him.

He placed his phone to his ear before he realised that Lanie would also have her phone turned off.

_Damn it_.

Despite the warning, he swiftly headed back down the corridor to try to find his way through the labyrinth to Beckett.

**Ok saved my apology for taking so long to update til the end so you didn't have to wait even longer by reading the A/N. I kind of wrote myself into a corner accidentally and it took me a while to get myself out. Hope it worked. Wasn't real happy with the dialogue in this. Just felt like I couldn't get it right so let me know what you thought. Please :) AND I have exams starting Wednesday but already have the next chapter written. If you're nice and review, I might put it up for you tomorrow. Thanks again for reading :)**


	9. Chapter 9

_Previously in Distance Means Nothing_

Beckett got shot while Castle was off galivanting in the Hamptons.

Esposito made a mad dash to collect him and they got back to NYC in time to go to Beckett's room in recovery.

Esposito and Ryan were dragged out by Montgomery to go get some police work done and Castle was sent out of the room while Lanie and a nurse discussed Beckett's injuries.

Castle is currently lost in the hospital trying to find Beckett's room while avoiding nurses intent on keeping him out til visiting hours start and Lanie is at Kate's bedside.

* * *

><p>Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep<p>

Her cocoon of liquid darkness was invaded by the persistent little noise.

Blindly she tried to reach for the device, to switch it off, to throw it at the wall, anything to get more rest. But her limbs refused to cooperate. Just the effort of conjuring the will to move had sapped her energy. Losing focus, she drifted through random thoughts she couldn't even begin to control. Memories of her childhood, favourite books, the highs and lows of her career, they all jumbled together like a tossed salad.

Gradually, her senses sharpened as her body metabolised the sedatives in her system, bringing to her attention the tiny stinging pains of unattended scratches and grazes.

A niggling pain burned in the back of her left hand. Her head pounded. Her right hand felt almost uncomfortably warm but oddly, she didn't mind.

Garbled voices sounded all around her, as though she were submerged in water.

Retreating footsteps, the click of a door and the coolness of her hand told her at least one of the people who had been in the room had left. The other voices continued in hushed tones. She strained to make out what they were saying. The best she could do was interpret the comforting tone of one voice and the relieved answering one as a positive indicator for her recovery.

The effort of forcing her sluggish mind too far made her lose her tenuous grip on lucidity and she drifted back to the dark.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Consciousness hit her hard. Feeling like she had finally broken the surface of the water, she sucked in a grateful deep breath. Her side caught on fire, making tears form in her eyes but she held on. She was awake and she was going to stay awake.

The sounds of the hospital were suddenly louder and harsher, and as she blearily opened her eyes, she quickly squeezed them shut again against the brightness of her hospital room.

A flurry of movement and darkening against her eyelids told her someone was with her and they had noticed her discomfort, turning off the main light in the room.

When she retried opening her eyes, the light was considerably softer. With great difficulty, she turned her head to see the worry etched on the features of the person at her bedside.

Lanie had jerked out of her drowsy state when she heard a gasp from the bed. She looked up in time to see Kate jerk her head and squeeze her eyes shut. Realising the problem, she rushed to the main light switch, changing from the harsh overhead to the softer wall lamp behind the bed so it wasn't directly in Kate's eyes.

She hurried back to Kate's side as she regained all her faculties. As she reached her side, Kate managed to turn her head towards her, her eyes rolling like a spooked horse.

"Where am I?" Kate managed to choke out, her throat like sandpaper.

"You're in hospital. You got shot. You've had 6 hours of surgery and you're in recovery." Lanie spoke quickly, trying to allay the fear she could see in her friend's eyes. She reached for the ice chips by the bed but Kate was too riled to take any notice of the offered piece.

"Esposito? Ryan?" Concern for her team had her pushing herself upright, though she fell back with a gasp as a hot knife twisted in her side.

"They're both fine." Lanie assured her hurriedly, seeing Kate's face lose several worrying shades of colour from the effort of the movement.

"Am I ok?" The question was a whisper. All Kate could feel was a pulsing ache in the general area of her entire body.

"Yeah, honey, you're gonna be. They got both bullets out. Thank god for your vest. The doctor said you wouldn't be here without it. As it is, you're gonna turn some pretty colours in the next few weeks."

Trying to wrap her mind around being shot was difficult when fighting the lingering effects of the painkillers. It took her a few seconds to realise Lanie had kept talking.

"...and Esposito got back a few hours ago. They were all in waiting room and came in to see you but they had to get some things done. They'll be back as soon as they can."

Managing an apologetic look, Kate asked, "Who was here?"

"Esposito, Ryan and Castle."

If Lanie hadn't known better, Lanie would have thought the pain meds had completely worn off as a flare of hurt and near-panic on her friend's face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

"Castle's here?" Kate hated how the question came out breathy and hopeful when she was going for nonchalant.

"Yeah, he..."

"Don't let him in here."

"But Kate..."

"I said no."

* * *

><p>Hi guys.<p>

I know, I know. No excuses for not updating sooner. I'm looking at it like it went into hibernation and now with spring here, its back :)

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story and there should be more regular updates now.

Ell.


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